Sports Ruminations

It's wierd, I felt worse after the Miami Heat beat Dallas for the NBA Championship than I did about Carolina beating the Oilers for the Cup. I know why. At least the Carolina roster is filled with good Canadian boys, like Rod "Beaked-Fish" Brind'amour, whereas I hate virtually every player on the Heat roster. I love Wade and Haslem, and enjoyed seeing them win. But only gut-churning misery can describe my feelings towards the likes of:

Jason Williams: a.k.a. White Chocolate... guess what, there's a reason everybody hates white chocolate... it sucks, and so do you Williams. His penchant for deep threes early in the shot clock matches only my next example...

Antoine Walker: does anyone like this guy? Why don't you shoot another deep three with 20 seconds to go on the shot clock... shit-eater. If I have to see that ridiculous 'shimmy' down the court ever again I may be forced to pull an Event Horizon, and cut out my eyes with a filthy rusted grapefruit spoon, then go around the neighbourhood with my ragged eyeballs in my hand chanting "Do you see?! DO YOU SEE?!!!!!!!!!!!!!".

Alonzo Mourning: What a great story of triumph and perseverance, coming back to the NBA after kidney transplant surgery. Too bad you are a serious prick. Nothing like screwing two teams without a second thought and then riding Wade and Shaq to a title. Good work 'Zo. Congrats.

Gary Payton: The consummate whiner. Has never committed a foul in his entire career. Was responsible for one of the most egregious turnovers in the history of basketball in game 6 and it should have cost the Heat the game. Unreal. Dishes off the ball and then literally turns away from the play and heads towards the ref to continue chewing him out, then watches the return pass bounce off his feet into Dallas' hands!!! This is in the playoffs, in a potentially Championship-clinching game, with time winding down in the 4th quarter, in a close game ON THE ROAD, and yet it somehow occurs to Payton that bitching at the ref is more important than actually paying attention to ongoing action. Shocking.

Shaq: Tough one here. As a life-long basketball player and fan, I simply cannot deny that he is one of the most dominant forces to ever play. But good Christ, hit a goddam free-throw! A mortal lock for greatest player ever if he could hit 75% of his FT's. I dunno, just something about him I don't like. Sorry, no love for Shaq.

I could go on... but, meh. Stupid Miami Heat.