General Ruminations

- It's entirely possible that if I won the lottery, I would spend it all on books. For, you see, I am a major geek. A mega-geek, if you will, one of a superior class of geeks who can actually say something like "I have read 5 books in the last 6 weeks", or "I didn't sleep at all last night because I had to finish this book." That's right, I rule. Deal with that now, or read it in a book and deal with it then.

- Does anyone else think that Nicholas Cage as Ghost Rider is one of the worst casting jobs since whatever Cage's last film was? What's the goddam deal with Cage? I'll tell you what the deal is, he stinks. Absolutely stinks. "Leaving Las Vegas" was intense and Cage was excellent, but so was Stephen Baldwin in "Usual Suspects", and there's no debate that he stinks. And don't give me the whole "Raising-Arizona-is-great-blah-blah-blah" bit... I don't buy it. I'd love to get his phone number, and I'd call him and he'd say "Hello?", and I'd say "Hey, Cage, shut up", then I'd hang up. Then I'd call him back like 5 minutes later and he'd say "Hello?", and I'd say "Hey, Cage, I thought I told you to shut up", then I'd hang up again. That would probably learn him good. Goddam Cage.

- Not traditionally a Kiefer Sutherland fan, but in '24' he becomes like a god. Each episode is just so intense from start to finish, and let's face it, Jack Bauer will torture anyone at the drop of a hat. Anyone. His own brother last week. What if he ever learns he has repressed memories about a certain event years and years ago, would he torture himself to get the information? I surmise that he would, and he would succeed. For me, this show has become like the Saturday night Leaf game, I simply cannot miss it. (Incidentally, I also rave about HBO's 'ROME' series, and Showtime's 'Dexter'... both are excellent in their own way, and crazily addictive (although I think Dexter is better if you watch it with someone, because it has a genuinely intense creepy quality to it... it can be tough to watch in some parts)

- Continuing on that same thread, can anyone deny that David Caruso's portrayal of Lieutenant Horatio Kane in CSI: Miami is one of the greatest achievements in performance history? Hands on hips, tucking the jacket away behind him, dark sunglasses on, head slightly turned and slightly cocked (that's right, turned AND cocked, always turned and cocked), surveying the scene, then the glasses come off as he asks poignant questions, then he delivers some outrageous line as he puts his glasses back on, and then the WHO breaks into "Won't Get Fooled Again", Roger Daltrey's screeching nearly cutting Caruso off... gives me the shivers every time. Seriously though, this show blows my mind. Caruso has perfected the role of Horatio Kane so completely, that there are clearly definable stages of recognition one must go through in order to truly appreciate his genius. These stages are as follows:

1. Revulsion: Upon first watching, the viewer immediately realizes that Caruso is awful, and will have real trouble watching more than just a cursory amount. The length of this stage is crucial for the development of true appreciation in many ways. The longer this stage lasts, the less likely the viewer is to advance to Stage 2 (however it should be noted that those who experience a lengthy time mired in stage one only to miraculously advance to Stage 2 and beyond, have reported a more intense series of revelations as they progressed through to true appreciation). That being said, when the viewer is able to quickly adapt to Caruso early in this stage, a new world of enjoyment awaits just around the corner.

2. Amusement: No longer troubled by the reality of Caruso, the viewer begins to notice some of the positive aspects of the show. These are called Secondary Elements, and include things like overall budget and production value, the consistent and unrealistic hotness of the cast (this is obviously a relative thing... not everyone thinks those people are hot, but they're surely innumerable times hotter than the population of an actual crime lab in any given city), the cool effects, the hot cars and boats, the hot and spicy Miami night-life, the hot beaches, hot parties, hot, etc. These Secondary Elements are fun and appealing, and they begin to mitigate Caruso. The viewer can continue watching long enough to advance to Stage 3.

3. Acceptance: The Secondary Elements have allowed the viewer to absorb Caruso without really realizing it. The viewer suddenly notices that they are a regular viewer, and now know the characters' names, they recognize the sub-plots and story-lines, and are catching re-runs on Spike TV every now and again. Horatio Kane is much better than you thought. You can't remember why you hated him so much at first. But the hatred is gone, and you are ready to accept Stage 4.

4. Addiction: CSI Miami has a hold on you. You watch the new episodes every Monday night now, and the line that Horatio Kane delivers at the beginning of each show has become part of your weekly diet. You NEED it. What's he going to say this time? And what about next week? How can I wait that long to hear it? I want to hear it now! All these things the viewer is now saying. The viewer realizes that whatever doubts they once had about Caruso are ill-advised and incomprehensible now. Caruso's Kane can do no wrong, he takes no guff from scumbags, but is also vulnerable and sensitive, particularly when children are at risk. He will do anything to get his man, and to keep the people of Miami safe. These things are Primary Elements. Stage 5 is close at hand, as the light of Caruso begins to shine on the viewer.

5. Reverence: Caruso has become a god. A human sun, shining his light of justice and humanity to all those around him. There is no denying his power. To ignore him would be to ignore the sun itself. Impossible. Caruso is Horatio Kane IS Caruso. A Moebius strip of perfection. The lines he delivers are prophetic, enlightening, cathartic. You are a better person for having watched him. And you watch him always.

I have progressed through all stages and have come out the other side. I understand what Caruso is: he IS a human sun. For me, like the sun, he is omnipresent but not overbearing. I do not need to revere him all the time. I can revere him once or twice a week, and still be filled with light. I encourage everyone to give him a try. You surely will not regret the journey, nor the destination.