Leaf Town

After watching the Leafs somehow beat the Penguins 1-0 (on the strength of Chad Kilger’s 3^rd period penalty shot? Damn straight) on March 19^th, and then win a tough game two nights later against the ridiculously surprising Hurricanes, I recall thinking to myself, ‘What if this is the beginning of one of those legendary playoff runs, when 5 years from now you can remember where you were with each monumental win, stringing improbable victories together and riding a wave of lung-bursting hope into the playoffs with millions of other Toronto fans?’. It was cool to think about that. Then we played Montreal. And in what should have been the two biggest games of the year for the Leafs, they performed about as poorly as can be described without deleting whole paragraphs due to foul language. So much for the magical run.

And yet after watching the Leafs proceed to amass a 5-0-2 record against the Devils, Flyers, Sabres, Bruins and Islanders, I recalled the immortal words of the Nuclear Safety Board guy in Part 1 of the “Who Killed Mr. Burns?” episode of the Simpsons, when he enters Moe’s bar and sees the thick cloud of toxic oil fumes, and then sees the local rabble still drinking at the bar, and says: “Man alive! There are… men alive in here!” The Leafs were those drunks, teetering on the brink of a sooty demise, only to somehow make it out without ever realizing how close they came to death.

Over the last 20 or so games (13-6-3), the Leafs easily played their best hockey of the season. That’s good news right? Playing the best hockey of the season as you approach the playoffs? Well, it should be. Only problem was the Leafs were too far out of it to make the playoffs barring a total collapse by at least 2 teams. That’s not good news. So what now? Can we take anything positive from this late-season charge? Surely we must, if we are to continue to call ourselves Leaf fans.

As such, here are several things that I know about the Leafs and what must be done for next year:

1. For the love of God, and all things Holy, remove Wade Belak from the roster immediately. I simply cannot bear to watch him take ludicrous penalties at the very worst possible time, pinch in from the blue line with no hope of actually taking possession of the puck while up by a goal late in the third period, and forcibly involve himself in meaningless fights at meaningless times. Belak might crack the Penguins roster to protect Sid. Might. This guy averages about 11 minutes a game, has managed 16 shots on goal in 55 games (deliciously insane!), while amassing 109 PIM’s worth of terrible decisions and generally shoddy play. What the hell did Quinn see in him? He’s got to go.
2. Let Brian McCabe walk. I know, I know, I can already hear the pitying laughter as the gallows pole is built out of blocks of wood, one on top of another, like some mad game of death Jenga, but I’m serious about this one. Furthermore, it would appear that a contract is already done, although nothing has yet been signed. Hopefully his wife will convince him to reneg on his word to Ferguson and go back to Long Island. Look, Brian McCabe is a very good offensive defenceman, and a very good powerplay quarterback. That much cannot be denied. But defensively he is average at best (that he got Norris consideration a few years back is nuts to me). This year he was totally lost in terms of what he can and cannot do to play defense. How many times have I seen him standing without purpose in front of the net while an opponent shovels in a rebound, only to shrug his shoulders in confusion, as if to ask the referees “what can I do to stop him if I can’t manhandle him Derian Hatcher style?” And once the opposition began to take away his shot on the powerplay by getting right up on him as soon as humanly possible, his effectiveness was reduced almost overnight. When his ‘can-opener’ defense was finally exposed for the penalty that it had always been, McCabe failed to adjust his style enough to become consistently responsible. Didn’t it seem strange that McCabe, who at the time was not only leading the league in defenceman scoring, but leading his team in scoring as well, was not chosen for the Olympic Team, even after the injury to Niedermayer? Lots of guys can score points in this league, but not lots of guys can play solid defence night in and night out. To pay McCabe $4.5 or $5 million a year seems insane to me, and the Leafs would be better served taking that money and spending it on a defenceman who better fits the new style of play in the NHL.
3. Remove the “Don’t shoot the puck” clause from Kaberle’s contract. Do I even need to say anything about this? Would you tell Vernon Wells to swing the bat only once every 3 games? Sweet merciful Gods.

3.b) Interesting factoid here, Tomas’ bro Frantisek is a free-agent… wouldn’t it be cool to have both Kaberle’s not shooting the puck? It would be great! You could even give them a TV show called “The Flying Kaberle’s”, and they would drive around Toronto in an old Chrysler K-car solving crimes by not shooting the puck. Deal with that.

4. Give the kids a chance. For too long now the Leafs have been a team that relies far too heavily on veterans to do everything. Obviously you need a strong veteran presence to balance the inevitable penalties and mistakes of youth, but gone are the days when a team of 35 year olds can be expected to win a Stanley Cup. Ponikarovsky, Stajan, Steen, Wellwood, and even Ben Ondrus, have shown that they belong, that they want to play and they want to win. Ian White has been a revelation on the blue-line, and I only hope that Colaiacovo can return to form after his concussion problems. Kronwall and Bell have also shown promise. It’s time for the Leafs to fill roster spots only when they cannot equally or effectively fill those spots from within.
5. Officially make Mats Sundin a God. Surely the most under-appreciated player in the NHL. This guy has led by example since he first put on the blue-and-white. Granted he’s not the galvanizing locker room presence that Messier was, but not everyone can be Messier. In fact, only Messier can be Messier. Nor does he have the pure, game-breaking skill of Jaromir Jagr (once again, there is only one Jagr). Instead, Sundin has only led the league in game-winning-goals since the 1999-2000 season, with a ridiculous 40! (although that may no longer be the case after this season, with only 2). Game-winning-goals. Goals that win games. Games won by goals scored by Sundin. And all this with stiffs like Jonas Hoglund, Mikael Renberg, and the impossibly infuriating Nik Antropov vainly skating through slush to keep up with him. Sundin never complains about ice-time, about his linemates, about the coaching, the management, his salary, nothing. He never quits. He may endure a slump every now and then, but who doesn’t? The City of Toronto should name a civic holiday after him. I don’t care what anybody says, Mats Sundin IS the Toronto Maple Leafs, and I’m damn proud to say that. Now for chrissakes give him someone to play with! Patrik Elias perhaps…
6. Celebrate Paul Maurice. Don’t get me wrong, Quinn has been, and still is, a great coach. But the Leafs could no longer play his style of hockey and remain truly competitive. He seemed to have trouble adjusting to the new rules, which he publicly stated he is not particularly fond of, and the team clearly suffered because of it. I can’t say for sure that certain players have tuned him out, but something is not right when the team cannot get itself together for the two biggest games of the season against Montreal. And I’m a major proponent of the concept of player accountability, that Quinn can’t score goals, that Quinn isn’t taking yet another interference penalty in the offensive zone (I’m looking at you Antropov), but there must be some correlation. If only to give the team a breath of fresh air, a new start, it must be done.
7. Let Ferguson do his freaking job. Anyone who expects a new GM, who takes over a team wholly constructed by his old-school predecessor, after the first time in pro sports history that an entire season has been lost to a labour dispute, resulting in a totally new economic system and coinciding with the implementation of a whole slew of new rules that effectively change the way the game is played, to win a Stanley Cup within his first two years is out of their mind. I would further argue that for a team like the Leafs, making the playoffs is not even the most important goal. We’re not talking about a small-market team trying to convince its fans that hockey is worth it. No matter how hard we Torontonians shriek and moan about the Leafs’ crummy season, we ain’t goin’ anywhere. We’ll be right back in line next year, paying insane ticket prices to drink insanely priced giant beers and go insane for our beloved team. I’m not even saying that Ferguson Jr. is necessarily a great GM, he may turn out to be a total disaster. But until he has had a chance to prove himself, a chance to build a team that is actually his team, I cannot, as a fan, call for his head. But I will if he blows it.
8. Break up the corporate monopoly on the platinum seats. Although I suppose this is merely a pipe dream. But man, when the third period starts in an intense play-off style game, and virtually the entire lower bowl is still huddled over their $20, 4-piece sushi meal in the lounge, it makes me want to vomit blazing naphtha. What the hell are you people doing?! It’s a goddam hockey game!!! You don’t want your seats, I’ll take them! Seriously, give them to me… it’s the only way Wade Belak will hear me screaming at him to get his worthless ass off the ice (trust me, its true… after years of experimenting, I have finally come to the conclusion that the players and coaches CANNOT hear me through the TV… although experimentation continues unabated). When did sitting in the lower bowl become a status thing and not a hockey thing?
9. Heavily promote the AHL Toronto Marlies, who play in the RICOH coliseum on the Lakeshore. Get people interested in the players who will one day be the heart and soul of Toronto’s sporting spirit. Do some cross-promotion stuff, sell blocks of tickets that include games to Leafs AND Marlies games, try to create interest in hockey per se, as opposed to just Maple Leaf hockey. Do people even know the Marlies play right here in the city?
10. Get rid of Wade Belak. Oh wait... already said that. But seriously, get rid of him.

10.b Good lord, did you see the last game of the season against the Pens, where Belak is 2:00-for-roughing some guy behind the Leafs net, then the guy slips him easily, gets to the front of the net, Belak follows and immediately 2:00-for-cross-checks him as the puck goes into the net off his (Belak’s) skate, then Belak 2:00-for-instigated him and then 5:00-for-fighted him and then 10:00-game-misconducted. Shockingly, he was only credited for the instigator, the fighting, and the misconduct. Immortal!

In the meantime, let’s all just try to accept that even before the season started, we knew… we KNEW… that the Leafs might not make the playoffs. We didn’t want to think about it, but we knew it, deep down inside us, inside the part of us that is rational and logical, the part that is usually silenced by the other part of us that, hoarse and wild-eyed, screams things like “GET TO THE CHOPPAH!!!” in a Schwarzenegger voice as Mats barrels in on a breakaway.

I love that part of us.